(by Peter McKenna, © copyright 2001, all rights reserved)

When is your birthday, you keep asking me. I tell you that I’m planning on staying fifteen. You laugh and don’t take me seriously.

I haven’t got all the details worked out yet, I admit, but not having any more birthdays is certainly part of it. Of course, you only have one day of your birth, really. The rest are anniversaries of that one day, not birthdays at all. But we call them that and everyone knows what’s meant. And if we started calling them anniversaries, or completed years, cumpliaños, like the Spanish do, I still would not want to have any of them.

So I explain all this to you once again, very patiently. You complain that you want a special day for me, to do special things and get me a card and a gift, eat some cake. Well, why does that have to be on the anniversary of my birth. Some other day can’t be special? For that matter, why can’t we have cake tomorrow and do special things every day?

And cards, I hate cards. Half our special days were invented by greeting card companies to sell that awful stuff to gullible people. Secretaries day, Mother-in-law, Ground Hog day, really! Flowers aren’t so bad because they are nice any time, but cards are a complete waste. In my opinion anyway.

Valentines day would be OK without the cards. How about that being the special day, if you really have to have one. It doesn’t get me tangled up with that getting older business. I like candy, Snickers Bars if you want to know. If you offered me some of those I might do something nice for you. Maybe we could do something special together.

I don’t care for those fancy red boxes in the shape of hearts. That’s another rip off. You pay an outrageous amount for a box that has no other use, and often as not, get some very inferior candy inside. A plain cardboard box of Snickers would be just fine, as plain a box as you can get anyway. You know I think that it’s what’s on the inside that matters. I wont mention that it’s a very good thing for you that I do. Opps, he he.

Beside not having any birthdays, another part of the plan is to drink from the fountain of youth, every day or as often as possible. Every boy has one. If you continue to drink from the fountain of youth you will always remain young, I believe, even if your body seems to age some. You sort of have to, because they’re not going to hang around some old dud. And you know that I like younger guys too, so I have some idea of what I’m talking about. That’s because I’m bi-generational.

That is as much as I have figured out so far. But I am always looking for more ideas on the subject, so if you hear of anything or think of anything, let me know. Anyway, would you really mind if I never got any older, never grew up? I don’t think so.